True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Randomize
