I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
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