My room smells like vodka and shame
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize