Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Randomize
