the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize
