Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
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