Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
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