woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Randomize
