Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Randomize
