It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
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