like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
