you turned your livingroom into a bong?
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
