I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Randomize
