I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
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Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
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