So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
