Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
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