I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Randomize
