They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
