i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
