i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
