I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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