A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Randomize
