It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
