nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
