Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
He shit in the fireplace
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
