Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
We just shotgunned beers for America
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
