fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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