I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
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