What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
