whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Randomize
