I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
