I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
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