Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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