I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Randomize
