You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
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