have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
