ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
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