It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Randomize
