your thong is hanging out like whoa
at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
