i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Randomize
