..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Randomize
