You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
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