I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
