she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Randomize
