Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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