You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
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