Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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