You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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