You're completely useless in the revolution.
What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.