I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
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on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
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I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.