This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
27 Common Occurrences Everyone Can Relate To But No One Talks About
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
21 People Intentionally Did Despicable Things During Sex
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
My vagina is officially offended.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores