what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
