I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
25 Of The Most Cringeworthy Internet Stalking Fails
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
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dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men