...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
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