i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
