i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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