She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
