Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Randomize
