No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
