did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
