Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize
