Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
