I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Randomize
