If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
