god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
