Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Randomize
