A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
40s are totally the cure
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
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