Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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