But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
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