Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Randomize
