Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Randomize
